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It’s been a long while since anyone in ArACkA has taken the time to sit down and express their thoughts on this blog and hell, I have a journalism degree. It’s super slow at my non-journalism related place of business. Why not put the fingers to the keyboard and see what drivel comes out?
(Am I an old English man? Drivel?)
I’ve been meaning to write my feelings for awhile about a subject that is very hard for me to speak about and today is just as good a day as any, considering it’s the first positive story that relates to what I’m speaking of in a few months.
What I am referring to is the curse placed upon me at birth that has crushed any and all hopes of ever experiencing a professional sports championship.
Without delving into it too deep, here is the back story: I was born and raised in Akron, OH (sound familiar?) and grew to love the Cleveland Indians. As I began to follow football, the Browns were nonexistent, so I pledge my allegiance to Cris Carter and the Minnesota Vikings. After flirting with Reggie Miller and the Pacers for several years, I began to follow the Cleveland Cavaliers as they took my hometown boy, LeBron James.
Before I was born or followed sports, there was The Drive, The Shot and The Move, all moments that brutally beat the psyche of any Cleveland sports fan. Since then, I have experienced the Indians lose two World Series (and personally made a vow to behead Jose Mesa if I ever meet him), get rid of some of the best players the game has ever seen, rebuild and still blow a 3-1 ALCS lead to the Red Sox before ultimately sucking again. I have experienced the Vikings go 15-1 and get demolished by a KERRY COLLINS-LED Giants to miss the Super Bowl, hire Mike Tice, enter itself into the Brett Favre debacle and, when he has the best year of his career, STILL fall short of the Super Bowl. Even the Pacers, who I was aligned with for a brief period, lost in NBA Finals and were involved in the worst sports moment in history, arguably (the Malice in the Palace).
Of course, nothing prepared me for the Cavaliers routinely taking my internal organs out of my body, putting cleats on their feet and jumping off of the Empire State Building onto my empty shell of a body.
LeBron James announced on national, prime-time television that he was “taking his talents to South Beach” and joining the Heat, abandoning Cleveland and chasing after a few championships with Dwayne “The Gimp” Wade and Chris “Hey, Hey, Hey, Look at Me, I Matter, Right?” Bosh.
To say I have been inconsolable recently about sports has been an understatement. LeBron took a big Cleveland Steamer right on the very city that gave that utterly-gross sexual act its name. Then, in a recent GQ interview, he had the nerve to say that, growing up in Akron, there was a natural resentment to the city of Cleveland growing up in Akron. Uh, LeBron, you are only two years older than me and it got a lot worse in those extra two years and I have never heard anyone from Akron say “Boy, those Clevelanders 45 minutes away are so much different and better than us!!” Nice try…jag-off.
But, enough ranting and raving. There is hope and, in my case, it unfortunately comes from a broken-down, decrepit old man named Brett Favre, who is coming back to the Vikings after all. Doesn’t that bode poorly for a man’s faith in his teams when a former drug abuser and loony, self-centered, egotistical nutjob like Brett Favre is a GOOD thing?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it can’t get much worse. It really can’t. The joy I’ve experienced in professional sports is so miniscule; it rivals the Nielsen rating for a WNBA game. However, after this summer, is it possible the Purple People Eaters, my last hope for conceivably years (or even decades), actually pull through and reach the Super Bowl? Egads, could they even win it?!?!
(Egads? Am I named Basil?)
I think the chances are good. If it’s not meant to be, then it’s not meant to be. The hurt can’t get any worse, right?
Well, let me get this posted first before Brett Favre has a stroke or Adrian Peterson gets an obsession with heroin or Jared Allen battles to the death with the Hells Angels. Then, I’m screwed. Royally, royally, royally, royally, royally, royally, royally screwed.
To be me…
Chris Mullet
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Well I thought about this in the shower, and I am usually quiet on these issues, but I figured I’d throw my pointless two cents in. Its a shame I have to waste my time on this but for a lot of people who are feeling lost and quitting and fed up I feel like they may benefit from hearing this and it may give them some hope...maybe…
Anyway let me start by saying this entire thing is the most silly childish thing I’ve ever had the...pleasure?...of witnessing. Every note that is published, every two-page comment that is written and every two and a half page rebuttal is tiring to read. We have to wait for people to leave and go into the real world for them to decide that NOW is the time to fix things. "So I don’t have to deal with it and the awkward aftermath. I can stir the pot from afar and hear how it went down." I see how that can be fun but I’m over it…well I’ve been over it.
I have my outlets and I wholeheartedly enjoy every second of them! I feel like ArACkA entertains audiences fairly well and when I am onstage with those damn fools we have fun! Generation has provided me some of the most stressful times, but then it can turn around and turn that stress into a feeling of bliss, and I am so relieved to be done with a show and feel like it was funny. It’s a great feeling to have an audience laugh at something that you or your group did and put every ounce of effort into. It’s a feeling that every person should feel. It breeds confidence in a person. This is the goal of everyone who even touches a stage. If you going up there for any other reason than to entertain an audience, then you should probably reevaluate your motives.
OK that was all fun and games but now to the most important part.... WE ARE
IN COLLEGE!!!!! This is not the real world. We live in a little protective bubble where kegs of Miller Lite cost $77 and not $105. Where the entire town caters to students and when cops pull you over they ask what your major is!!!! This is a time to enjoy yourselves and HAVE FUN!!! This isn’t the brutal corporate world, it shouldn’t be cut throat and you shouldn’t be trying to dick people over. Not this club at least. If that is your cup of tea, go join SG or some other club where these people take them selves a little to seriously and then go home and be the epitome of a hypocrite! This club is about becoming a performer, LEARNING an ART called improvisational comedy.
Those of you who have succeeded in this improv community, I salute you. You have gained the admiration of so many of the younger (I’ll go ahead and call them)"members” and many of them joined because they saw one or more of you perform and thought to themselves...."man I wanna do that". Thus they joined the club and now they want the opportunity to be up there making people laugh. Now for some reason, what these (now) elite performers seemed to have forgotten is that they were once these people who said "man I wanna do that". They had their opportunity to go up on stage and FAIL!! This is the most important thing (next to being taught the art itself) to becoming a good performer. And for some people it is the key to realizing that maybe this isn’t for them. Right now this is not how it works. If your good you get to perform.... if your not, audition for a long form troupe (which apparently are pre picked anyway so that doesn’t even matter now).....if you don’t make it....do grunt work, you’ll make it one day. WHAT?!?!?! Thats so ass backwards!!
This should be a supportive group where at any point, any performer should get to perform. I don’t care about the history of it, or how we used to be part of TPP or anything. Bottom line people want to try this stuff. The whole idea of over saturation and declining audiences due to bad performances is like global warming, it just straight up doesn’t exist. This isn’t anyone's ticket outta here. Less than 1% of the people who come through this program do anything. The rest of us go do real things like a career. This is such a short chapter of your life and to live it struggling trying to sift through the garbage is kinda sad.
I really feel bad for those of you who just want to perform and see what its like to have this really cool idea pop into your head on stage, that you think is the funniest thing ever… and have it completely fall flat. You learn a lot about yourself in those moments...more than when you do something brilliant. This whole spring show I assumed was going to include at some point every person on stage.....that’s quite the contrary....and that sucks. I know a lot of people were excited about this show cause they were gunna get to be a part of it.....for an improviser being a part of a show is not going to Home Depot to buy parts for a blood cannon, it’s not holding a boom mic for an hour and a half for no reason. If your gunna be on stage your gunna be willing to promote, build, film, hold a light, pass out fliers. You want to put the best product you can and want as many people there as possible to see you and to be able to prove to yourself that "man I can do this."
This is why ArACkA started. We wanted to perform with friends, do our own thing and have.... wait for it...FUN! We have learned a lot from our performances. We have failed massively sometimes...including performing for 4 people in a huge comedy club...but because its all about FUN, we did it! And it turned out to be a memorable experience that none of us will ever forget.
THIS IS IMPORTANT…many people have decided "hey I wanna do that too so I can perform and have fun" etc..... it is very important to actually learn the art first. Myself and these other guys were fortunate enough to learn the art and practice it before deciding to do something on our own. We went through the process performing in shows and sketches etc. You STILL have to put in time and effort and it’s not easy to do. I give 100% credit to Theatre Strike Force for the confidence that I have on stage today. With out them I wouldn’t know improv, nor would I enjoy the art. I’d still be watching "Whose Line is it Anyway?" on ABC Family!
Bottom line here is that there is no feud!! It is disagreements on how things are being run. And honestly its silly!! People want opportunities to perform and I still don’t get what is holding people back from giving it to them??? I’m not talking about tiny little dorm shows or some random show that u have to rush over by 630pm to be a part of. I’m talking about the big boy shows…the ones that everyone wants a shot at. To know your in one of those shows and to be able to prepare for them is so exciting and it’s a huge rush. To be able to perform with some of those elite performers, in those shows, is awesome.
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Many thanks for your vague interest in this blog.
What's happening in the world today? The hell if I know. I'm not a huge fan of the media - I have a genuine interest in the matters of this species, but I don't feel the media like to deal in that. What they do deal in is blatant sensationalism, as well as the perpetuation of some kind of Orwellian Conservative conspiracy. I think the powerhold of this establishment is really in decline - the world is changing, and I'm hoping my generation are giving more of a shit about it - however, in its death-throes, the mangled deformity that is White, Right-Wing America is more insane than ever.
Moving along, I recently memorized all the major sports teams of the NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL (122 in all), with the help of sporcle.com. Sporcle.com is a fantastic site. It's tagline is 'mentally stimulating diversion', and boy how, are they ever! Big paper to do? FUCK THAT! Do a sporcle! What? You still procrastinate by going on facebook? Why don't you try and learn something once in a while, you waste. :)
I hear there are some Olympics going on now, or something.
But enough about me, fair reader, how are you doing?
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Uh-huh.
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Uh-huh. Really.
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Wow, I didn't know they still made televisions with vacuum tubes.
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Oh me?
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Toshiba.
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Yeah Toshiba.
Back to the action. You know what I was raised on? Action movies. OLD action movies. A parent can do no better for their child than to give them a screening of 'Predator' in their formative years. Action movies approach perfection as an artform. The smash-up of cartoonishly-simple archetypes set again a background of bullets and human remains, it offers us a nice brainless vacation from our daily lives. Unfortunately, our daily lives have become so brainless already that their once powerful impact has been dulled. In addition, the brainlessness of daily life has encouraged hack filmmakers to augment the stupifying effect of their films with the use of CGI. Because of computer, Optimus Prime can now transform into anything except something resembling a plot. And it's because of our low standards for entertainment. Thanks, fuck you guys.
I'm just kidding, guys, I love you.
Ladies, I am still single. For those of you who don't know, I am a huge, tasty pimp. This is only what I am told, as I am so modest I would never say such things on my own accord. Regardless, I am on the market. I am of essential 100% Italian descent, with dark hair and majestic eyes. I am an impressive 5'6'', so you can take me with you wherever you go. I am an intelligent gentleman with no criminal record (as dashing as Ted Bundy, but without all the murdering) but also a funny, laid back guy (as chill as Al Bundy, but not quite as awesome). I admire aggressive women, so feel free to come and accost me after a show, ladies.
Well that's all for now folks, be sure to check back for some more wisdom from me in the future. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out in the greatest city in Alachua County.
Take care.
- Robert
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At the end of every year, it seems as though Facebook becomes throttled with note upon note transcribing people’s “Year in Review.” It may pertain to a certain organization or lessons they learned throughout the year. They happen every year and there is nothing wrong with them at all. Those notes are not me.
This note is me.
I love movies so much. They are such a big part of my life and I hope to work in the film business in some capacity during my life. That being said, I always keep track of the movies that I see throughout the year and rank them in order. I have done this since high school and never really shared them with anyone.
Now, mostly because I am happy that my horrific writer’s block has ended, I will share my thoughts with those of you who I feel share my passion or interest in movies.
You may like some of my picks. You may hate some. Whatever you do, just bear with me.
38. “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Michael Bay: Go fuck yourself.
"Hey, Michael. Nice to meet you. I'd love to take a photo with you."
"I'd love to blow up the Sistine Chapel and then have robots crap on each other"
"Wow...you're an asshole."
37. “Friday the 13th” This film lived up to all of my expectations. Yet again, my expectations were exactly my friend Adam’s review of the film. “Dude, it was really bloody and had a ton of boobs.” God bless Adam; he will never be mistaken for Roger Ebert. My exact review? “Dude, it was the least consequential film I’ve ever seen. It was just like ingesting a bunch of starch. It went right through me and I would never confuse it for a good time. I can’t decide if the ordinary acting, mind-numbingly asinine dialogue or lack of any sort of scare is the worst part of the film. Oh, and a ton of boobs.” 36. “The Reader” In the annals of the Oscars, multiple travesties exist. There’s Samuel L. Jackson for “Pulp Fiction” losing to Martin Landau for “Ed Wood.” There’s “Shakespeare in Love” beating “Saving Private Ryan” for Best Picture. There’s Adrien Brody beating Nicholson and Day-Lewis for Best Actor. Then, there’s perhaps the ultimate travesty. I love “The Dark Knight” and really felt that it deserved a Best Picture nomination. I wasn’t shocked when I saw “The Reader” in its place; I was just disappointed. Nevertheless, I went into “The Reader” with a clear mind. I left it with a very angry mind. This boring, emotionless, blatantly pandering schlock that gets nominated every year was deemed better than the most seminal comic book movie ever? The film’s structure is terrible, its tone is disturbing and uneven and Kate Winslet shows more body hair than ALF. Plus, an actor named David Kross that is worse on screen than the comedian David Cross in “Alvin and the Chipmunks.” Academy-Award nominee, my left foot. Which reminds me… ADRIEN BRODY A BETTER ACTOR THAN NICHOLSON AND DAY-LEWIS?!?! WHAT WERE YOU SMOKING, ACADEMY? 35. “Gran Torino” Ah, racism. You’re so funny. How this movie received good reviews is beyond me. Clint just plays himself to the point where you are fairly sure you are watching a documentary. The young “actors” in the film are obvious graduates of the Nicole Eggert School of Acting. And did I mention the racism? Better yet, did I mention that audiences burst out laughing at the racism in this DRAMA? At least I burst out laughing at easily the worst titular song in film history. If you haven’t exposed your ears to Jamie Cullum (featuring Dirty Harry and his rock-gargling voice) whining his way through “Gran Torino,” here you go. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!
"Will someone turn that damn racket off?!?!"
34. “Terminator Salvation”
Move over, Colin Ferrell! Christian Bale has officially supplanted you as my vote for the Worst Actor Getting Good Work.
Although I make that bold claim, this movie isn’t really Bale’s fault. His character was written about as thin as Bale in “The Machinist.” The fault goes directly on McG.
That’s right, McG. I’m calling you out. You managed to make “T3” look like a great movie. Do you realize that this was a bankable franchise known for exciting action sequences? Apparently not because I was more entertained by the rattling of a bag of Sour Patch Kids behind me than your grandiose vision of what life after Judgment Day is.
McG, stick to what you still stink at: directing “Charlie’s Angels” movies.
33. “Taken”
I get it. It wasn’t supposed to be a good movie. It was supposed to be mindless, heart-pounding action.
I don’t think it was supposed to Liam Neeson’s attempt to become Superman. Seriously, in its entirety, there is not one instance where I believed Neeson was in danger or didn’t have the upper hand. After the second or third time he wrecks someone, I was bored. A good hero needs a competent, believable villain. “Taken” had a bunch of foreigners getting limbs broken, struck by cars and electrocuted. Riveting.
Nevertheless, I laughed during this movie more frequently than some other movies.
32. “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Like this movie.
I don’t really harbor any ill will towards chick flicks, but when they are so formulaic and poorly written, I begin to take offense.
In this case, “He’s Just Not That Into You” contained one of the most contrived storylines ever with three very notable actors: Bradley Cooper (my pick for Next Big Thing in Hollywood), Scarlett Johannson (my pick for Hottest Actress in Hollywood) and Jennifer Connelly (my pick for Go-To Actress in Hollywood if your movie has a girl/girl ass-to-ass scene).
What a waste of talent.
The only good part about "He's Just Not That Into You"? The excuse in this recap to run this photo!
31. “Rachel Getting Married”
I love a great independent film. I like a good independent film. I’m annoyed by a mediocre independent film. Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy Anne Hathaway’s performance and thought she deserved the Oscar over Winslet. The rest of the film, however, was an attempt to stylistically shake up cinema. The acting was over-the-top in some cases, the tone was too “indy” and jeez Louise, that handheld camera was awful.
If my wedding is like that, shoot me.
30. “The Ugly Truth”
You know the song “One Jump Ahead” from “Aladdin”? That’s how I felt during this entire movie. You knew every single plot twist, joke and character development that was coming your way.
Nevertheless, I did legitimately laugh a couple times (mostly at John Michael Higgins, who always tries his damndest) and Gerard Butler shows that he has some comedic chops.
Katherine Heigl, however, showed gratuitous cleavage blatantly on three separate occasions and faked an orgasm for about 2 minutes. She’s the one claiming that “Knocked Up” was sexist. Well, you put your ta-tas out there in this movie and guess what? You’re the executive producer. Congratulations. You’re a hypocrite.
You can’t act either.
29. “Whip It”
I should’ve known, Drew Barrymore. I should’ve known that your first foray into directing would be much like your entire persona: a hyperactive mess. Ellen Page is officially stuck on the same treadmill that Michael Cera is on and none of the other talent in this film (sans the always great Daniel Stern) could drum up any reaction whatsoever from my bored, confused face.
This is coming from a guy that really likes roller derby, too. Pasi Schalin FTW!!
Hey, Drew! This guy IS roller derby!
(This reference is really just for Tony Kolt)
28. “Paranormal Activity”
Some may be surprised, but this was extremely overhyped. I appreciate the story of how this small film came to prominence and proved how creative filmmaking can be rewarded in the mainstream. You know something, though? I learned that with “El Mariachi.” I learned that with “Clerks.” I learned that in a film that will be much higher on this countdown. This movie? Not so much.
It didn’t help that I watched it during a Friday afternoon with maybe 30 people in the audience, so the atmosphere wasn’t intense as a packed house would’ve been. Nevertheless, I feel that if I were in that crowded theater, I would still be comfortable. I would still be waiting for something to happen. I would still be critical of an overhyped, sophomorically-acted film.
I’m done with believing these kind of hypes.
27. “My Bloody Valentine 3D”
It was a slasher film. It was a remake. It was predictable, corny and silly.
All that being said, I sat in the theater and enjoyed myself. This movie was a decent piece of entertainment that I was able to suspend my disbelief during. I would never watch it again, but for what it was, it was better than everything else on this list so far.
Side note: Big ups to veteran character actor Tom Atkins, who returns to his roots in this movie as a retired police officer. Atkins MUST be seen in cult classic “Night of the Creeps” which was finally released on DVD in October. Check it out.
26. “The Soloist”
Only the director of “Atonement” could fudge up a Downey, Jr. and Foxx collaboration. Both actors do great jobs in an uneven script, but I would love to nominate this film for the “Most Overdirected Film” Award.
Joe Wright, we did not need some silly elevator camera shot that lasted two seconds. We didn’t need to watch Jamie Foxx see music as if it were the Windows Media Player visualization. We didn’t need you to prove that you can direct two of the best actors in the world by forcing too much emotion.
We got all that anyway and it made for a worse movie. Robert, Jamie, you tried. But it just didn’t work.
25. “Monsters vs Aliens”
Seth Rogen was a blob.
Meh.
What if this guy was the best part of your movie?
Answer: It is not going to be very good.
24. “Observe and Report” We have reached the Seth Rogen portion of the countdown. I am not saying “meh” for Rogen’s performance in this movie. In fact, compared to every other role Rogen has had in the past couple years, this movie showed that he can play something outside of his range. He was undoubtedly good in this movie. This movie wasn’t too good, however. Chalk that one up to Jody Hill, director of the criminally unfunny “Foot Fist Way” and chum of Danny McBride and Will Ferrell. His stylistic decisions and comedic voice are much like newer “Family Guy” episodes: you will laugh out loud pretty heartily once or twice (which I did during “Observe and Report”) and the rest of the time, you will shake your head and say: A) God, when will this bit end? B) That was way too shocking or over-the-top to be considered even chuckle-worthy. C) Screw that character. Seth, this one wasn’t your fault. 23. “Public Enemies” “Collateral” is one of my favorite movies. Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors. Gangster movies are always entertaining to watch. Naturally, “Public Enemies” was one of the best films of the year, right? For my answer, let’s refer to Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey… My Answer Seriously, how was this movie so boring? Sure, Depp gives a good performance and Marion Cotillard proves she isn’t a one-hit wonder and Christian Bale continues to earn paychecks for making repeatedly boneheaded character choices. Beyond that, it was hard to be excited about a whole lot in this meandering film that is sadly decent. A decent Michael Mann-Johnny Depp collaboration? That’s the real crime. 22. “Tyson” I love documentaries. The editing that goes behind them combined with a solid subject is mesmerizing to watch when done correctly. Throw Mike Tyson into the mix and you would think gold had been proverbially struck. This documentary was good. However, it only scratched the surface of what Mike Tyson was or is. There was too much of Tyson’s early life and too much of today’s Mike Tyson commenting on his past. Granted, there is something extremely compelling about Tyson apologizing for his sins and crying over his life. It would’ve resonated a little more if there was more evidence to back up his tears in the film. The lack of archival Tyson footage, beyond his tamer days, was severely disappointing. “Tyson 2: 90 Minutes of One Crazy Bastard Talking On Cocaine” is officially requested.
I love the irony of this photo.
21. “The Princess and the Frog”
Pixar may have spoiled me throughout the years, but this did not conjure up any memories of the classic hand-drawn Disney movies from my childhood. There are some fun moments (the lightning bug is my personal highlight) and I thought the villain was good, particularly in his manipulation and blunt motives (plus, I’m a sucker for Keith David in general. “They Live” is the shit!).
Truth be told, though, the prince and princess aren’t anything spectacular or even admirable, despite being shoved down the audience’s throats. None of the songs are memorable or leave you tapping your feet. Once the end has approached and the real emotional moments occur, you are left feeling like it was a plot ploy to make you care about a movie that is mediocre at best and doesn’t fit into the lineage of all of those gems we are fond of.
On a positive note, it is good to know that John Goodman is alive.
20. “Sunshine Cleaning”
This list begins to turn around right here.
When I first saw the trailer to this quirky chick flick, I shrugged and thought “I’ll probably get dragged to see that.” Sure enough, I did, but it was by my parents and not my girlfriend. What followed was a pleasant surprise.
Amy Adams is so damn charming and believable in everything she does, including this movie. Emily Blunt has a boatload of charisma and really separates herself from Adams in this movie, character-wise, which helps the movie shift out of second gear. I could watch Alan Arkin read an Applebee’s menu. Stir all of these components with a funny and occasionally heartbreaking story/script and you have a really enjoyable little film.
19. “Sherlock Holmes”
I may have just said that the list turns around here, but I had to go back on it temporarily.
“Sherlock Holmes” wasn’t a bad movie. Robert Downey, Jr. is fantastic as usual and the movie looks great.
“Did I enjoy it?” is the important question and the answer is “not really?” I don’t know what it was, but something was missing. It could’ve been the lack of a plot that was easy to follow and actually play along with Holmes or the constantly confusing dialogue or the pace that went from frantic to painstaking with the snap of a finger.
A few other realizations about this movie:
1) Chris Rock was right: Jude Law sucks.
2) Rachel McAdams, you were really out of place.
3) Guy Ritchie, I just don’t like your work.
Downey Jr. will always keep me intrigued, so I will check a sequel out, but I will have much lower expectations this time around.
18. “The Taking of Pelham 123”
Flat out, this movie was a lot of fun. I sat in my seat with a big bucket of popcorn and escaped. Denzel makes a lot of garbage watchable and he doesn’t disappoint in this film, bringing an intensity that pumps this film up a couple of notches. Travolta is just having fun and I’ve always thought that his over-the-top persona, if scaled back and centralized into a deeper character, could make for a convincing bad guy. He does it here, all the while keeping his sense of humor.
Best of all, Tony Scott doesn’t utilize all of his stupid tricks in this movie and lets the actors carry the film rather than just going to Google Earth for his stupid visualizations.
This movie is a solid rental that harkens back to movies like “Speed” and “Twister”: entertaining, blockbuster-style cinema with some solid performances.
Exhibit A of when Travolta is not a good movie villain.
17. “Watchmen”
I was incredibly stoked for this movie and still thought it was well done. Jackie Earle Haley continues to prove that he’s one of the most underrated actors out there, Dr. Manhattan is played to perfection by Billy Crudup and the film looks gorgeous. Don’t get me started on the first 10 minutes, either. Boy, does it set a perfect tone!
Several things hurt “Watchmen” from being a great movie.
1) Its length: the movie feels really long.
2) Malin Akerman: boy, she couldn’t even act her way out of her Latex costume.
3) Certain corny choices: the Leonard Cohen songs and certain jokes take you out of the essence of the film.
The biggest problem with “Watchmen”, ultimately, was how closely it followed the graphic novel. It tried to hard to appease the hardcore fans and ignored the fact that some of the dialogue was awful, some of the characters aren’t developed properly to allow the plot to move at a decent pace and the overall theme of the story is dark and gloomy and hard to sell as a big budget blockbuster.
It wasn’t necessarily the movie that no one could make like some people thought, but it was still hard to adapt thoroughly. I will take the byproduct, though.
16. “Bruno”
I didn’t have an opinion on “Bruno” until a week after I saw it. It takes a lot to shock me…a lot. This movie dropped my jaw on multiple occasions. I laughed out of disbelief more than I laughed for the sake of humor. How do you analyze this movie?
This is still all I can muster:
Sacha Baron Cohen is a comedic genius. This movie was not his best work and unfortunately fell back on cliché jokes and shock value rather than some of the smart humor that Borat and Ali G are better at. That being said, “Bruno” was a biting look at how homophobic most of the world is and makes a really strong case at the absurdity of the ignorant human being.
Sadly, it just gets lost amongst the wide array of asses and schlongs.
Oh, that being said, I don’t think I could ever VIEW this movie again. I said “view” for a reason. Yeesh.
15. “Funny People”
Judd Apatow took one really long-winded risk with this movie. Did it pay off? I don’t necessarily think so, but I still appreciate this movie for several reasons. Like I said before, Seth Rogen had a good year performance-wise and that’s more important than his box office numbers. Eric Bana is a riot and steals his scenes. The real star is Adam Sandler, however. He acts his ass off in this movie and easily does his best work.
It’s a real shame that the movie drags for almost 3 hours (a three hour comedy???!) and transforms into a really cheesy mess in the last 30 minutes because I think Sandler would be getting some award consideration with this. Unfortunately, “Funny People” never really knows what it wants to be and some of the gags and characters are a waste. That being said, when the focus is the stand-up lifestyle, the relationship between Sandler and Rogen and Sandler’s struggle with his disease, this movie is great.
(An afterthought: the doctor who gets perpetually made fun in “Funny People” needs to be in more movies ASAP. His final line is the best part of the movie.)
Give this guy steady work, Hollywood!
14. “The Informant!”
Matt Damon, do you know any wrong?
Without him, this would still be a good movie. With Damon, it takes off and you become so engrossed in this kooky character that he crafts with expertise. Every word out of his mouth is either hilarious or unbelievable. Much like the character has everyone around him wrapped around his finger, Matt Damon has the audience just waiting for the next lie or revelation to come seeping into a well-written script that is never confusing and easy to follow.
Movies like “The Informant!” get lost at the end of the year and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys smart comedies with great ensemble casts (Scott Bakula and Joel McHale play such great sympathetic straight men) and a star simply having fun doing what he does best: chew up some scenery with every line.
13. “Drag Me To Hell”
Gross, disturbing, exciting, scary, cheesy, cringe-inducing, creative.
All of these words are perfectly acceptable to describe Sam Raimi’s return to the horror genre. The best two words to describe “Drag Me To Hell”?
Sheer fun.
You can laugh one second and then jump out of your seat the next. It is escapism at its best. You completely forget all of the signs that lead you toward the FANTASTIC ending. Why is it fantastic? Because it kicks you in the gut and leaves you uneasy afterward. That is the mark of a great horror movie.
Let us not forget the great performances in this movie. Alison Lohman makes you sympathize her and has so many layers in a brave performance. Justin Long is just having fun and his lines during the climatic final scene are so over-the-top, you can’t help but love them.
With this movie, I forgot about “Spiderman 3.” It’s that good.
12. “Adventureland”
The most underrated movie of the year 2009. It may not be as funny as you’d like it to be, but it makes up for any laughs that you may expect with a beautiful story, fantastic performances and killer direction.
Jessie Eisenberg is everything Michael Cera should be in this movie. Ryan Reynolds steps out of his comfort zone and shows some great range. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are hilarious. Standing out, however, is Kristen Stewart. You want to watch her and she molds such a conflicted, desirable character, it makes you wonder why she can’t do it in anything else.
Greg Mottola gives this movie a great look and allows the audience to relate with his very personal story very easily. You feel like you’ve known these characters and lived this life just yesterday. He also adds an awesome soundtrack to the film, putting you in the crazy 1980s and showing you how the music shaped the lives of those who heard it.
Very few people saw this movie and “The Proposal” made over $160 million. Sometimes, Hollywood just isn’t fair.
11. “I Love You, Man”
Over the past couple of years, we’ve seen so many comedies like this one that eventually there are going to be some misses. Thankfully, “I Love You, Man” is not one of those movies.
This movie lives and breathes because of Paul Rudd. His portrayal of such a dolt when it comes to male friendship is so convincing and so genuine that you can’t help but laugh at his misfortunes.
His chemistry with Jason Segel is phenomenal and their dialogue is incredibly witty and original. The callbacks works, the references work and the friendship we see grow in front of us works.
The supporting cast is hilarious and Rashida Jones is just a fox. When the movie gets dramatic, it may get a little cliché, but the execution is so flawless, you forget about it.
This is THE “bromance” movie and I challenge anybody to tell me that they didn’t smile throughout this at the very least.
10. “Zombieland”
This is not a movie that falls back on clichés. “Zombieland” is one of the most original comedies I have seen in some time. It looks fantastic and the style created by first-time director Ruben Fleischer is really unique, keeping your eyes peeled onto the scenery at all times and even making you laugh because of its clever connection to the plot.
It’s short with a simple premise and it keeps you laughing the whole time. Jesse Eisenberg is a hoot to watch. Abigail Breslin and Emma Stone are very good in their roles.
Woody Harrelson, however, chews everyone else up and spits them out. He is such an over-the-top badass that you don’t want him to stop massacring zombies. When he needs to have a heart, he has it and it’s great. When he doesn’t, Woody is the man.
Also, I won’t spoil the celebrity cameo, but it was undoubtedly the hardest I laughed in a theater this year.
9. “The Hurt Locker” No pun intended, but it hurt me watching this movie. It didn’t hurt in a negative way. It hurt because I was so enthralled in the film that I felt I was in it. Every time Jeremy Renner (who must be in more films immediately) was working on disarming a bomb, I feared that it would go off and I would perish. That is how intense of a film “Hurt Locker” is. It puts you right in the midst of the war and never relents. It is gritty, real and depressing. It is also the first war film with a different approach: what if someone LIVED for the thrill? This movie accomplishes that flawlessly and all the hype it receives, it undoubtedly deserves. Besides, who would’ve thought that the director of “Point Break” could make such an amazing movie? 8. “District 9” Unlike “Paranormal Activity,” “District 9” lived up to all of the hype. It isn’t a perfect movie by any means. It starts off slow and I didn’t like the over-the-top, macho colonel which just didn’t feel right in this movie. Beyond that, this movie is a real gem. The story is so original and it plays out wonderfully. The CGI looks better than most big-budget films and you are able to emotionally connect with those CGI creations because they are so realistic. Sharlto Copley gives a great, nuanced performance as the ill-fated Wikus. His transformation, physically and emotionally, is well-written, but Copley’s performance really carries the movie into one of the best of the year. The last scene, by the way, was the second closest I came to crying in a movie this year. Don’t worry, though, I cried in a movie this year. Keep reading. 7. “The Hangover” A perfectly crafted story that just gets crazier and crazier, “The Hangover” was a constant rollercoaster of laughter. There are huge moments of laughter, but the film isn’t just about gross-out humor and stunts. There are plenty of witty moments, various styles of humor and a great ensemble of actors who work together so well that their chemistry adds a new comedic dimension to the movie. Todd Phillips deserves more credit as well because any other director could’ve just let this movie stand out because of its content. Phillips, however, makes this film look gorgeous, using Vegas as a backdrop beautifully. Phillips also enhances scenes with great editing and additional techniques (rewatch the blackjack scene; everything about it is perfect, I swear). I know the sequel will disappoint, but I will definitely consider “The Hangover” as one of those “instant classic” comedies that will make me laugh at something different every time I watch it. That is the mark of a great comedy. (One complaint: Tyson was disappointing in this movie as well. I want the Tyson from my childhood back, damn it!) 6. “Star Trek” Any aspiring filmmaker that is currently studying his craft that has any yearning to make a big-budget blockbuster should watch “Star Trek.” It could easily be the blueprint. Let’s run through the checklist, shall we? -A recognizable story? I think there are enough people who know what “Star Trek” is, right? -A well written screenplay? The time-travel aspect may be a little bit hard to follow, but so was “Terminator 2.” It mixes drama, action and comedy effortlessly. -Good performances? I didn’t dislike a single person in this film. Everyone excels as their character. Oh, and that noise I said about Bradley Cooper being the next big thing in Hollywood? I was wrong. It’s Chris Pine. For lack of a better term, he bends this movie over and goes to town on it. -Impressive action sequences/CGI? Impressive isn’t the word. Try “gorgeous.” I may be missing some aspects, but here is the all-telling lesson to learn from “Star Trek.” I never watched “Star Trek.” I went in for the experience. I understood everything about the culture and history and came out loving the movie. That, ladies and gents, is a summer blockbuster. 5. “(500) Days of Summer” Granted, I am a sucker for these kind of movies. You know, the quirky independent film that has innovative story structure and compelling visual styles. I challenge anybody, however, to not like this movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a beast, opening himself up to the audience to love and feel sorrow for and laugh at. His pain is so relatable and the movie takes off because of him. There isn’t much more for me to say about this movie besides “Watch it ASAP.” The interwoven moments piece together wonderfully. The screenplay is superb. All of the performances are funny, truthful and refreshing to watch. It’s that indy film you can’t help but love. (This film does not rank high solely because of its usage of Hall and Oates, but it sure doesn’t hurt it. For shits and giggles, listen to this.
Daryl and John would be proud.
Oh, shit. They're still alive?
4. “Up in the Air”
I’m not a big fan of old-school Hollywood, but I always appreciated the lead actors back then. Guys like Bogart and Gable and Stewart and Grant just had charisma off the charts and a certain swagger about them that said, “I can do anything and still be fantastic.”
George Clooney is as close as we are going to get in this era to that mentality and he shows it off in “Up in the Air.” If he doesn’t have an Oscar in his hand for this movie, it is a damn travesty.
I could say the same thing about many people in this movie, particularly Anna Kendrick, who manages to steal scenes from Clooney. What I will say about this movie is that it is the realest movie of the year.
It is real in its story, its foundation, its characters and its overall message. It may turn out bleak and it may be depressing at times, but we can still laugh and connect with one another, even when the world is in the doldrums.
You can thank Jason Reitman for that. He wrote this sharp adaptation of a book I have to read now with such vigor and care. He directed this visually appealing and emotionally solid masterpiece. In just three films, is it possible that he has already passed his father? I love “Ghostbusters” and “Stripes” as much as the next guy, but it is hard to look past “Thank You for Smoking” and “Juno.”
With “Up in the Air,” Jason has surpassed his own personal best, that’s for sure.
If you ever have doubts as to where your life is going, just think: that man started on "The Facts of Life."
3. “Inglorious Basterds”
If this year taught us one thing, it may be this: Quentin Tarantino knows how to make a film.
Seriously, even his missteps (“Death Proof” anybody?) are an experience to watch. “Basterds” wasn’t just an experience; it was an event almost. Every scene dripped with typical Tarantino dialogue or violence or flair pulls you in and doesn’t let you go until its climax.
Tarantino owes two people a lot in making “Basterds” his second-best movie (I’m sorry, nothing will ever top “Pulp Fiction”). Firstly, Brad Pitt is a real riot. Aldo Raines is one of the most intriguing protagonists in awhile. He’s not the most important character by any means, so you appreciate his scenes even more because they aren’t an abundance of them. I don’t think any other actor had as much fun with a role as Pitt did with Aldo.
The second is the man that everyone talked about after they saw “Basterds.” That man is Christoph Waltz. Waltz took this character, Hans Landa, and immediately skyrocketed him into the pantheon of “Best Movie Villains Ever.” He is so nasty and so smart and so conniving, yet he is charming and cool. I said Clooney not winning Best Actor would be a travesty. If Waltz doesn’t win Best Supporting Actor, it would be a disaster. I can’t think of anyone deserving an award any more than Waltz does for this movie this year.
Glorious, indeed.
2. “Avatar”
James Cameron, you sly dog. You did it. You really did it.
You took some silly idea about blue people on a distant planet combined with the most up-to-date technology possible and made it into a classic science fiction/fantasy movie.
I won’t go into how the movie looks because words don’t really do it justice. It looks THAT good. I will go into a lot of the complaints of the movie.
-The acting isn’t great: I would wholeheartedly disagree with this assertion. Sam Worthington plays a fantastic, inspiring hero. Zoe Saldana brings her character to life so vividly and sensitively. Sigourney Weaver always brings her best when James Cameron is around. Stephen Lang, as the crazed Col. Quaritch, exudes so much star power and drums up so much hate in his pivotal role. The acting is great; you’re just being a naysayer to be a naysayer.
-It’s too long: Compared to many three hour epics that I have seen, this flew by because you are so enthralled with the visuals and you get so invested into the story that you forget that you’ve been sitting down for so long.
-The story is not original: This is the gripe I have the most problem with. Many people didn’t enjoy the cliché screenplay that was basically “Dances with Wolves.” Here is my defense.
What matters most: originality or execution? If a remake is better directed, acted and written than the original, does that still mean that film wasn’t as good? “Avatar” was executed with precision. The story was crafted to be simple to follow and able to reach a worldwide audience. That is definitely something that “Dances with Wolves” didn’t do. Just because a movie takes influences or pieces of a premise from something else doesn’t mean that it isn’t a great film.
“Avatar” is a theater-going movie. Go see it for the spectacle. While you’re there, I guarantee the rest won’t disappoint you. It’s beauty.
You laughed when you first saw them. You won't laugh when you first watch them.
1. “Up”
When I am older and my hair is gray, I will look fondly on my life and smile. I know that as a fact. Another thing I will look fondly on is the best animated movie ever made, “Up.”
Pixar is light years ahead of so many other studios and filmmakers when it comes to storytelling. They work meticulously to create an imaginative story that children and adults can enjoy together.
“Up” does that tenfold. There is humor that is genuine and harmless. There is adventure and action that makes your heart jump in your chest and put you on the edge of your seat. There is heart that gives you hope and brings tears to your eyes.
Remember earlier when I said I cried this year? It was during “Up.” I saw the movie three times in theaters. I have no shame in saying that I cried every time.
From the practically silent opening that is storytelling 101 at its finest to the constant struggle for one man to fulfill a promise to his wife, “Up” makes no wrong moves. It doesn’t even make right moves. It makes the picture perfect moves.
Beauty gets thrown around a lot in this world as a word; even I did it in this long-winded piece. That’s why I won’t use it for “Up.”
Exquisite, splendid and lovely will do.
An image that should ultimately bring you to tears.
And that’s my year in movies. I went a little longer than I expected, but I hope you enjoyed my thoughts (or even hated them because I disagreed with your opinion). Now, what do you think? Did I miss a movie this year I really need to see? Am I really right or really wrong about anything? Can you not wait for “Hot Tub Time Machine” either? Write your comments and have a Happy New Year at the movies.
Chris Mullet 2010
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These seven men aren’t afraid to make their own improv games. Or share the responsibilities of directing. Or strip down to their boxers and perform.
They’re called ArACkA, and their comedy is spreading virally and by word-of-mouth. This time around, you don’t want to get immunized…it’s best to sit back and let their comedy infect you.
The troupe started in the fall of 2007 after some roommates decided they wanted to perform improv together. Since then, members have left to pursue their careers and further their education. Others were added to maintain a well-rounded group of gentlemen.
“We’ve created stuff from the ground up,” performer Scott Arel said. “We don’t hold auditions. We pick, like, a lot of people who see it from the outside – it’s important to the health of the entire thing. We pick very carefully.”
“I like surrounding myself with people who make me laugh and I make laugh,” said Robert Colomberti, the newest ArACkA recruit. “(Practicing is) never something I dread, like an obligation.”
ArACkA specializes in short-form improv. They even invent a lot of their games and write sketches to go along with their shows. When the troupe had its first show in Ocala, four people came out to see it. During their fourth show, about 50 people were there to support them.
Augie Artiles, one of the original members, remembers thinking: “Whatever we’re doing, it’s f—ing working. Word-of-mouth. Not only are the same people coming back, but they’re bringing their friends.”
The group prides themselves on their charity shows and events, especially for organizations like the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life. They also are proud of how ArACkA has grown, especially within the past year.
They have stickers, shirts, a Web site, a podcast and an ArACkA calendar, to name a few of their promotional items. The year has provided them with numerous shows on campus as well as traveling opportunities.
What contributes to their successes? Trust. And the bonds they’ve formed with each other.
“I would like to think that when we do a show, it comes through that we’re all really close friends,” said performer Matt White.
“The trust level that we have is unparalleled,” Scott said. “Whatever garbage comes out of my mouth on stage, if I’m having a good day or bad day, it’s going to be picked up by one of these guys.”
When other troupes have a rotating cast or rely on a president/director figure, ArACkA does things a little differently.
“When we have a decision to make that’s important to the group, it’s everyone or no one,” Scott said. “At the end, if somebody doesn’t like it, we get over it and don’t do it. I feel that’s hard to find.”
“We always make it even,” Scott added. “We always make sure each of us has face time, an equal opportunity to perform.”
Besides hanging out with each other and building group mind, the other moments ArACkA performers cherish is when fans approach them and compliment the show.
“That was a good feeling to know that I did well, that someone actually enjoyed what I did,” Matt said.
The group still hopes to grow and to “keep rolling.” They are setting their sights on helping the Gainesville improv community blossom. Their vision is for Gainesville to become a mini-Chicago, or a well-respected hub for improv.
Until then, they’ll continue to improve and rag on each other.
“This is something we all really, really love to do,” said performer Rich Camillucci. “A lot of us are involved in much more than just ArACkA. We pretty much try to be involved in as much as we can to fill that insatiable appetite.”
“What?! Insatiable appetite?” Performer Chris Mullet started to laugh at his phrasing.
“F— you,” Rich retorted.
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April Dudash
http://gainesvilleimprovgal.wordpress.com
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